Friday, February 26, 2010


(Build me up)
Buttercup, baby, just to let me down
(Let me down)
And mess me around
And then worst of all
(Worst of all)
you never call, baby
When you say you will
(Say you will)
But I love you still
I need you
(I need you)
More than anyone, darlin'
You know that I have from the start
So build me up
(Build me up)
Buttercup, don't break my heart

I took my dog outside this afternoon.  It is an absolutely beautiful day!!!! Amongst all the "BROWN", I spotted these two flowers and this song immediately stuck in my head.  They are usually some of the first flowers to bloom and ALWAYS a welcome sight to the sore eyes that are sick and tired of the cold, dreary weather with absolutely NOTHING green in sight.  I am afraid; however, they only come to tease because we all know winter is not over yet.  It always freezes or snows in Mississippi for Easter!!  

Wednesday, February 24, 2010


When I woke this morning and looked outside it was S-N-O-W-ing…again…this year… here in South Mississippi! Unlike the last time, it did not stick to the ground and did not last very long, but nevertheless it did S-N-O-W. Here is a picture of a S-N-O-W-man someone built in our neighborhood when it S-N-O-W-ed a couple of weeks ago:

Isn’t it cute?

BUT……S-N-O-W is NOT the four letter “S” word I am referring to in my title! The words "pure" and "white" come to my mind when I think of snow, the absolute opposite of this particular “S” word!

Let me explain:

Last night my daughter came over. She has reapplied for school and needed my help with some personal and financial information to complete her paperwork. Before she came over, I gathered folders full of previous tax records, new tax forms, instruction booklets, W2s, receipts, a calculator, my laptop, pens, paper, pencils, Valium (only kidding), etc. and made neat little stacks all over my dining room table, partly to make finding the information she needed easier, but mainly because I needed to start working on the “T” word: TAXES.

I was home alone. Her dad was out of town working and her brother had just left to go on a school trip. I ate some soup before she came over and then started working on the infamous 1040. When she got to the house, I abandoned my pile of paperwork and fixed her a bowl of soup. She ate it in the kitchen and then we both settled in at the dining room table that was covered with my stacks of paperwork and supplies.

As she worked on retrieving the information she needed on the computer, I continued with what I had started earlier. She was busy for the first few minutes trying to locate the form she needed online. Once she found it, I would stop what I was doing each time she had a question long enough to get her the information she needed. This system was working smoothly for us. Not long after she completed her form, she commented on an oil painting I had just recently purchased. It is a painting of two parrots. She liked it. She then told me a story about her conur bird, Kiwi. I listened as I continued to work on my taxes, looking up at her often to comment. She explained how much Kiwi likes to sit on the top of her cell phone and pick at the plastic cover she has on it. The other day while she was holding the phone and he was playing with it, he grabbed her hand with his beak: the skin between the thumb and index finger. Or in her words: “He bit the SH… out of my hand.” My head flew up from my paperwork and I looked over at her (apparently with shock filled eyes).

I am not so naive as to think she does not use this kind of language, but I have never heard her curse and this word, this “S” word, came out of her mouth so easily and so naturally. It shocked us both as she suddenly realized where she was and who she was saying it to and I realized just how comfortable she was using the word. And by the way, I H-A-T-E the word!!!!

She immediately covered her mouth with her hand and apologized. She said, “I meant to say…..” Trust me when I say the word she meant to use was not much better, but for some reason it was not as hard on the ears! Her face turned red and for a few seconds things were extremely awkward. I did not know what to say. She will be 23 this year and has been out on her own for the past few years living a life that sent me into a tailspin which, by the way, caused me to start this blog, and I was not about to scold her for saying a cuss word. So, I tried to change the subject. But, that proved to be even more awkward. It was not long afterwards that she gathered her paperwork and said she needed to go. She usually hugs me bye or lets me hug her, but not this time. She almost could not get out of the door fast enough. I told her goodbye and that I loved her and went back to the table to continue my work.

As I sat there and worked, I started feeling really bad for not confronting the situation head on. I suspected it had something to do with her leaving abruptly, and I really did not want her to feel bad for what she had said in front of me. At the time, I knew it caught me off guard, but had no idea that I had “looked” so shocked. Again, I am still thinking the best thing to do is to not make a big deal out of it.

And then she sent me this text: “I am so humiliated, embarrassed, and bothered that I said that word in front of you. The look on your face was crushing. I want so badly for you to be proud of me. I am surrounded by that kind of language and am not proud to say that I am desensitized to it; something I need to be convicted about. I won’t lie. But I am sincerely sorry and hope you do not think worse of me than you already do.”


I texted her back: “I love you. I cannot judge or condemn you because I make mistakes too. I have even let things slip out of my mouth now and then that I should not let slip out. I AM proud of you. I wish you would have talked about this before you left so I could have put your mind at ease. No, I take that back, I should have said something first because I knew it bothered you!”

She apparently left my house and called her grandmother crying uncontrollably. My mom called me this morning to let me know how distraught she was. By this time, we were both able to laugh about the situation as I shared with her what had happened. The laughter stemmed from how well we know this daughter and granddaughter and how she has reacted (or should I say over-reacted) to so many different situations in her life.

I have had some time since then to ponder. And here is what I have pondered:

She may have over-reacted, but she did it out of shame and embarrassment. She did it out of sorrow. She did it out of guilt. She did it because she hurt. She did it because she knew she had disappointed her mother.

Oh, you little four letter “S” word – you caused all of this in my daughter’s heart last night. You caused such awkwardness, and I hated to hear you come out of her precious mouth, but you caused me to have a heart bursting with gratitude, grateful for where she is in her life right now. You caused me to realize the prayers that have been answered. And for this, I have to say thank you. A few (very few) years ago, she did not care. She was not ashamed, not embarrassed, not sorrowful, guilty, or hurt and humiliated over any aspect of her life. It was, after all, her life. The very last thing she cared about was disappointing me or anyone else.

You caused great conviction in her heart, as well as, in mine. If -- only if -- my reaction could be the same as hers every single time I do something wrong (maybe because I too have become desensitized to whatever it is that I am doing, or not doing). If only I could be so full of shame, so embarrassed, so sorrowful, so guilty, humiliated, hurt because I have disappointed my Heavenly Father. Wouldn’t I be the better person for it?

S-U-R-E-ly I would!

Monday, February 22, 2010




When peace like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life,
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.

But Lord, 'tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul.

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

Horatio Spafford