Friday, September 25, 2009

Prayer Request

Please pray for my daughter.  She has the flu and is very sick.  Pray for God to heal her physically, but more importantly to use this illnes to begin to chip away at her callused heart and mind.  I truly believe He uses things like this to grab our attention.  She is vulnerable.  She is frightened.  I want her to turn to Him right now to heal her body, and then to begin to feel the confidence and assurance that He can also heal her spiritually.  Thank you!

Thursday, September 24, 2009


“For the eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth to shew himself strong in the behalf of them whose heart is perfect (made ready) toward him.” II Chronicles 16:9 

Today, God,  as your eyes run to and fro throughout this whole earth, I pray they stop when they see me because you find me:   

Seeking you for the questions I have no answers to--battered and broken--looking up--not letting go--courageous--not shaken--praising you in the storm--moved with compassion--thanking you even in the circumstance--waiting on your timing because I cannot see the end--calling you friend--calling out your name--separated from the world--joyful in all things--being not afraid--longsuffering--setting my hope in you--loving you because you first loved me--trusting you when I doubt myself and others--steadfast--setting an example for those around me--giving--studying--worshiping you--with a true heart full of assurance--fruitful--in awe of you--pleasing you--believing in you--faithful--with humility of mind--being of good cheer--hungering and thirsting after righteousness--forgiving those who have trespassed against me--confessing my sins--keeping thy precepts diligently--encouraged--exhorting one another--being fervent in the spirit--glad--increased in knowledge and faith--justified--wise--quiet and peaceful--meek and lowly in heart--willing and obedient--keeping your commandments--proclaiming your goodness--delighting in you--resting in you--waiting on you…

In Job 2:2 God asked Satan, “From whence comest thou? And he answered , “From going to and fro in the earth, and from walking up and down in it.”

God, protect me, protect my husband, protect my children as Satan’s plan is to devour all that he can as he, also, looks to and fro.


Friday, September 18, 2009

I will not be AFRAID… I will not be AFRAID…

On Tuesday, May 19, 2009 my daughter came to visit.  I allowed fear to wash over me as she and I conversed as if there were no lies, no secrets, no regrets, and no heartache between us. 

Driving to work on Wednesday, June 10, 2009 I prayed to be filled with the Fruits of the Spirit.  God was gracious and allowed me to realize that I had choked them out of my life and replaced them with fear.  At that moment, I purposed in my heart  … 
I will not be AFRAID of things never being any different than they are right now in her life. I will not let impatience overcome LONGSUFFERING.

I will not be AFRAID that the hurt is never going to go away. I will not let sadness steal my JOY.

I will not be AFRAID that if I ever have the opportunity to confront some of the people in her life that I will do or say something regrettable. I will not hate, be intemperate, unkind, or mean spirited.  I will LOVE, be TEMPERATE, and GENTLE.

I will not be AFRAID that others will find out.  I will not allow pride to stand in the way of MEEKNESS.  

I will not be AFRAID that she will never trust God to give her the strength and courage she needs to let go of this stronghold.  Do I allow doubt to overcome my FAITH? No.

I will not be AFRAID of this turmoil.  I will remain calm and PEACEFUL.

I will not be AFRAID of evil tidings; but rather my heart is fixed, trusting in the Lord. Psalms 112: 7

And then

I shall be like a tree, planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his FRUIT in his season…

Thursday, September 17, 2009


I often read Lysa Terkeurst’s blog from Proverb’s 31 Ministries. She has an amazing insight and an incredible gift for writing. God always speaks clearly to me through her words. Every time I read her blog, it seems that she has written about the very thing I needed on that particular day or something that I, too, struggle with.

This past June, she dedicated a post to temptation. She described it as Satan’s three step plan and here is a summary of that plan:

1. Satan wants us to crave physical gratifications (sex, drugs, food, alcohol, etc.) and to become preoccupied with them. He uses stimulation such as sound, touch, taste, and sight to accomplish this. He then keeps us distracted with cycles of guilt and justifications.

2. He wants us to remain forever distracted by never being satisfied, always wanting more, newer, bigger, shinier… (power, money, “things”)

3. He crowns us lord over whatever has captivated us. We are now elevated, revered, worthy, noticed, commended, prideful…

With my daughter in mind, I want to add an OR to step #3:

OR we become addicted. (Not being proud of our attainments, but rather chained to them)

This is where she is in her life right now: addicted. She told me so once. She has not become lord over her choices, they have become lord over her. This is why SHE CANNOT get out of her pit.

Dear K,

I know you have slipped away from me again. I am all too familiar with your absence , the unanswered phone calls, unanswered messages, and your excuses. I hear your lies, but more importantly I see them on your face.

Heartache gripped me yesterday as I walked through Wal-mart buying groceries for this weekend. I had high hopes of spending it with you. I choked back the tears wondering where you were and what you were doing, and I am not only referring to this week or last, but what happened to my daughter, where is she? I was overcome with the all too familiar feelings of disbelief. It was never suppose to be this way. These were not my plans. These were not His plans.

I hold on tight when you allow me to, with the hope that one day my grip will be strong enough to help you out of the pit you are in. I am not sure exactly when, but you let go again, and I am overcome with discouragement.

For several weeks now, I have had a strong desire to have another heart-to-heart talk with you. The right time never came. Did I go the extra mile to find the right time or was it simply not in His plan? I do not know. Would it have made a difference? I do not know that either. But, I do know this:

Your addictions are keeping you where you are right now: far away from me, far away from this family that loves you, and far away from God. I also believe with all my heart that although my grip may not be strong enough to help you, His is. I have the assurance that one day, you will take His hand as He delivers you from all of this. The addictions are not good for you (physically, mentally, or spiritually), but their influences are too strong for you to overcome. He will have to be the one to do it.  HE CAN. He will bring you into a better place. Why? Because He delights in you! I, too, delight in you.

I love you, Mom

Psalms 18:17-19 “He delivered me from my strong enemy, and from them which hated me: for they were strong for me. They prevented me in the day of my calamity: but the Lord was my stay. He brought me also into a large place; He delivered me, because He delighted in me.”

Sunday, September 13, 2009


In my very first blog entry I mentioned my great-grandparents storm shelter or storm pit as we called it.  They lived approximately 100 miles north of the Gulf Coast so we stayed with them and in their storm pit during Hurricane Camille.  I was eight years old at the time and here is what I remember about the experience and the pit:

It was dirty and smelly,
dark and scary.
It was hot and built underground;
so the only way in was down,
and the only way out was up.

Inside, I felt secluded and cut off from the rest of the world, but I was not alone.  My parents, my brother, grandparents, great-grandparents, and maybe others that I do not remember were in there with me.  Because it was dark, I feared snakes, spiders, and any other creepy crawlies that may have taken shelter from the storm as well.  But, since I had a greater fear of what was going on outside of those dirt walls, I stayed put. (Not that I had a choice really.) I wondered what the storm was doing and what kind of damage we would find once outside.  I wondered how my parents would know when to leave. I thought we were all going to suffocate.

Once the storm was over and we were finally outside, life was different and difficult for us for quite a while.  Our home in Long Beach, Mississippi, as well as, all of our belongings had been completely destroyed. We learned the insignificance of “stuff” and the significance of others. We were humbled and grateful as we witnessed an outpouring of love and generosity from friends, family, and complete strangers who were there to help us through this journey. 

In the beginning of 2007, my daughter pushed me, the rest of her family, and everyone else who loved her away and climbed down into her own pit. She lived there seemingly content for nearly two years.  At the end of 2008 I caught a glimpse of her hand as she reached up while trying to climb out.  So what did I do?  I went in.  It was all too familiar, and here is what I saw:  It was dark, dirty, scary, and smelly.  Inside, she was secluded and cut off from the rest of the world, but not alone.  She wondered if she would ever be able to leave, but the fear of what she would encounter on the outside, kept her inside.  She wondered if anyone would be there to stand by her until she could get on her feet again.  She thought she would suffocate. I went in thinking I could carry her out for fresh air and she could begin to live again, but soon discovered that this was an impossibility.

She has not made it out yet.  And while it is not possible for me to go in and carry her out, it is possible for me to go in and wrap my love around her in hopes that someday with my help and prayers she will let go of her fears and trust enough to begin her ascent. I LONG to see her foot on the last step as she climbs out.  I LIVE to see her foot on the last step as she climbs out: Far, far away from her pit!   

Thursday, September 10, 2009


Just in case anyone is remotely interested in what I did today, for the better part of it I was in THERAPY:

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Wish I May, Wish I Might

A good friend of mine has a fourteen year old son and here lately every time I talk to her on the phone she is either on her way to drop him off somewhere or on her way to pick him up. The other day while talking to her she was sitting in a parking lot waiting on him as he finished his ball practice. It brought back memories of the days when I, too, ran a taxi service for my children. They were not yet old enough to drive, but their social lives were busting at the seams. I wished for them to get their driver’s license and then when they did I wished to take that wish back.

I am pretty sure I have wished my way through every season in my life: Wishing I would graduate, wishing I was married, wishing I had a job, wishing I had a better job, wishing I could quit my job, wishing for children, wishing each stage of their lives to end, to move on to the next, wishing them grown, and then wishing they had not. And these are just some of the major ones. I think age has made me realize that all the phases or seasons I have experienced so far HAVE BEEN my life. I don’t know, maybe it just takes looking at them as past events to make one realize this.

I am on a journey right now with my daughter, an unwanted journey. Even though I struggle from time to time, I make a conscious effort to try not to get impatient in wanting it all to end. I do so badly want it to. I hate the time that is being wasted in her life, in our lives. But, so does God and for some reason He has allowed all of this and only He knows when and how it will end. All the wishing in the world, is not going to make it go away. So I have determined in my heart to camp out in this season of my life and watch God work and then share Him with others.

…we spend our years as a tale that is told. So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom. Psalms 90:9b, 12.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Standing In The Middle Of The Street

(I usually know what I want to title my posts before I ever start typing. This is not the case right now, not that it really matters, but I know God will bring something to my mind and I cannot wait to see what it is.)

Late this afternoon, I listened to a recorded testimony of a mother and father who lost their teenage daughter this year to cancer. As their story unfolded, they told of their daughter’s courage, of their strength as God carried them through this storm, and of their faith and assurance that His will was being accomplished in and through it all. It was truly awe-inspiring. You cannot listen to a father’s heart without being moved to tears as he shares how that even though he would miss walking his daughter down the aisle to marry, or miss seeing her walk to receive her diploma (he is the principal at her school) that he was still secure and happy in knowing that she is now walking the ultimate walk, down the streets of gold!

Today is the first day after Labor Day, and I have been asked more than once if I had a good weekend. I was able to say yes. Yes, I did, thank you. (only because God guarded my ears, my eyes, and most importantly my heart) I did not tell them that part, though, because I just recently discovered what He did for me. You see, I just discovered the street that my daughter may have possibly walked down during this holiday weekend. I learned of the HUGE celebration that took place in a major city in another state that is known for these types of celebrations. I have a heavy heart knowing, with little room to doubt, that she partook in the celebration. All arrows point her in this direction.

It is so ironic that I worried about my children when they were little: letting go of my hand, getting into the street, and being hit by a car. What were the chances? Today, at the age of 21, my daughter has let go of my hand, His hand; left my side, His side; and is now IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET. She is standing there frozen and trapped, not knowing which direction to turn as the lies and deceptions zoom around her.

O.K., Sweetie, the coast is clear. Run while you still have the chance. Run to the side (to His side) where you will be safe. RUN, SWEET GIRL, RUN!

Monday, September 7, 2009


One day last week as I drove to work I heard a debate of sorts on an American Family Radio station. “Are boys easier to raise than girls?” It caught my attention because I could relate since I have both. One person stated that boys were easier because when you have a boy you only have to worry about one boy, but when you have a girl you have to worry about ALL the boys. I thought that was pretty clever. The majority of those who wrote or called in said that girls are easier when they are younger and harder when they are older, and boys are easier when they are older and harder when they are younger.

Instead of giving you my opinion upfront, I thought I would first give you some insight into the personality of my two children.

MY DAUGHTER: At a very early age (very early) she demonstrated signs of independence. She did not like to cuddle. She did not like to be rocked. She had two dolls that she always slept with, Jammie Pie and Puff-a-Lump, better known as Puff and Jam. She had a sense of style all her own when it came to clothes, shoes, etc. She had blue eyes, curly blond hair and was adorable. She loved animals, especially dogs. She hated all things outdoorsy and especially bugs. She had the sweetest and most contagious laugh. She was well behaved and smart. She loved to be on the go. She would wake every single morning and get fully dressed even if she knew we were not going anywhere. Something she said once that we still say on occasion: I asked her one day on our way home from church what she had learned in her Sunday school class. She said she learned about Godum and Eda. (Adam and Eve.) Something she did once, that I hope to never forget: As I held her in my arms, she counted the buttons on my shirt. When she reached ten, I complemented her and told her how proud I was of her. She said, “Yea, I’m learning my buttons!” She was a very discontent little girl. We had all the talks, the ones where we tried to make her understand why she needed to be content, “The grass is not always greener on the other side; there will always be those with more and less than us”, but it followed her into her teen years as did her drive for independence. She was strikingly beautiful. People told me so all the time. Her lifestyle has now taken it’s toll on her appearance. She had one automobile accident. Her early teen years were troubled as I have blogged about previously. We managed to survive them and enjoyed about three years of closeness. My daughter grew up, and we were having a grown-up relationship. And then she turned nineteen, and she is where she is right now and I am here blogging about this torrential journey. She told me she hated me once or twice. I know she did not mean it. She grew up in a stable home, one where her dad and I took the responsibility of her physical, spiritual, and mental well-being seriously. She has an extremely likable personality and sense of humor.

MY SON: During infancy and for a long time afterward he was very, very dependent. He was a mama’s baby and HAD to be rocked to sleep. He was a beautiful little boy, and was the teacher’s pet in kindergarten. He stole her heart with his cherub-like face and sweet disposition. He had a security blanket. It was accidentally thrown away by the maid service while we were on vacation. I am sure it was because it looked like a an old worn out rag. It was time to wean him from it since he was five years old at the time, but when my mother learned of the incident, she went out and bought him another one. I will not tell you how long he slept with that one. Something that we will probably always remember him saying: I picked him up from school (he was in the first grade) and joked with him about having a girl friend. He denied my accusations. I asked him if he had ever been given a note from a girl, stating, “I love you, do you love me, circle yes or no”. He said, “Mama, there is not one kid in my class that knows how to spell the word circle.” Something he said that we still say on occasion: He called oatmeal “moatmoy” (pronounce moat like boat and moy like boy). He has always been content. He has had some unique interests: fencing and flying remote control helicopters. He takes after his dad, as far as being able to work with his hands. He can fix most anything. He also had one automobile accident. He currently attends a local junior college and lives at home. He has a part time job at an office supply store. He hardly ever leaves our house without telling me he loves me. In seven months, he will turn twenty. It seems that nineteen has been a turbulent year for both of my children. I always thought that by this time all the raging hormones would had settled down, but it has proven to be not such a great year for either of them. He has dealt with issues this past year that he has never had to deal with before, but I feel confident he will be able to work through them. He is a well-mannered and caring young man.

I know this blog entry is long. If you are still with me and have already guessed that my son was the easier of my two children to raise, then you are correct. This is the part where I feel like I should be laying on a couch. I doubt very seriously there is a single question you could ask me in regards to my parenting skills that I have not already asked myself over and over again.

1. Was I a good parent? Yes, I think so. My daughter has
assured me that I was.
2. Was I a perfect parent? No.
3. Was it my son’s personality that made him the easier of the
two to raise? Yes.
4. Did I love him more? No.
5. Could I have done a better job dealing with my daughter’s
discontentment and independence? Most definitely.
6. Do I have regrets? Yes.
7. Would I do some things differently if I could have another
chance? Most definitely.
8. Would it make a difference, as far as where my daughter is in
her life right now and with some of the decisions she has
made? I honestly do not know.
9. Would it change the way things are now if I knew the answer to
question number 8? No.
10.If I had everything in the world to do with where she is in her life right now, is it too late for her/ for us? Never.

My children are gifts from God. They were both fearfully and wonderfully made. I love them equally with all of my heart.

God, guide my daughter into truth. Make her alert to the lies of Satan and teach her how to resist him by faith. Give her the courage to be honest with herself and with You. Convict her of her sin and her need for You. Cause her to call out to You in her distress and confusion. Remove her heart of stone and replace it with a new, soft heart. Lead her to those who will point her to You. Cause her to be attracted to those who are attracted to You. Scatter like chaff in the wind those who continually try to bring her harm. Give her the courage to please You, and not others.

Produce in my son a humble spirit that is yielded to You. Teach him how to live in You, and show him that apart from You he can do nothing. Teach him to walk by faith. Help him to see beyond his circumstances and trust You with every part of his life. In this fast-paced world of instant gratification, place in him the perseverance he needs to succeed. Cause him to be still and wait patiently for You. Build a hedge around him to guard him physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Block his paths so that he cannot move towards activities and relationships that would harm him.

Saturday, September 5, 2009


Three scoops of ENCOURAGEMENT
Sprinkled with SADNESS
With a TEAR on top

I had a birthday! You could not have known because it was in April and I did not create this blog until June, but I wanted to share this with you. K came to see me on this day.

I saw them, again - the tears. For days I clung to the memory of the anguish on her face, the tears streaming down her cheeks, her lips quivering, but mainly the confessions from her heart.

“I am miserable. I hate everything about my life. I am trapped and do not know how to get out.”

ENCOURAGED - Conviction is good. Contentment in her case is not!

THANKFUL - She desires to get out of the pit of addiction she is in.

SAD - She does not know how!

TEARS - My heart aches for her.

She brought me a beautiful card. It read: Kind and Reassuring, Steady, and Enduring, Deep and Wise and Knowing, Warm and Easygoing, Generous and Sharing, A Mother’s Way of Caring, Wishing a Wonderful Mother A Wonderful Birthday!

She also brought me a scented candle, BUT



Friday, September 4, 2009







Actually, I'M not REALLY getting a face-lift, although I could probably use one, but my blog is. YEAH BLOG! I think you need one worse than I do.

It is expected to be completed very shortly. I can’t wait to see the final results and then show it off to you. I am confident that it is going to be beautiful and worth the wait! Good things are just around the corner, so stay tuned.

Thursday, September 3, 2009


2 Samuel 4:4 And Jonathan, Saul’s son, had a son that was lame of his feet…And his name was Mephibosheth.

The rest of the story:

Mephibosheth was five years old when his father, Jonathan; his uncles; and his grandfather, Saul, died on the battlefield. His nurse took him and fled, fearing for his life because he was the only male heir left to the throne after Saul‘s last surviving son, Ishbosheth, had been killed in his own home while sleeping. In the chaos and panic of the departure, Mephibosheth fell, causing him to be crippled for the rest of his life.

Years later, King David remembered his covenant with Jonathan to show him kindness and wanted the opportunity to fulfill it, so he began to inquire about any relatives that may still be living. He learned of Mephibosheth who was living in Lo-debar. David had him brought to Jerusalem and ordered that the family property be returned to him, as well as, arranged for him to eat at his royal table.

What happened between all those years, the years between being five and the time King David sought him out? What kind of person had Mephibosheth become?

We do not know too much other than the fact that he had at least one son, Micha. His injury at five years old had left him permanently crippled. The Bible says, “feet”, so obviously he was crippled in both feet, although we do not know the severity of it. It is mentioned over and over again, so it was significant. We are told that he fell on his face before David, but he could have been sitting when he fell on his face, so we do not know for certain if he was able to walk on his own or not. We know that he was living in the house of Machir. Machir means “sold”, so it is possible that earlier on he had been sold into slavery. He was taken from his home, forced to live all those years in a strange land. It was not his home. These were not his people. It does appear; however, that he knew he was from a royal family because he never questioned David‘s proposal. So, what kept him from returning home on his own free will after he grew up to rightfully claim what was his? Was it his inability to walk or travel? Maybe he knew there was no one to go home to. Was he comfortable in Lo-debar? Did he feel safe and secure there?

When confronted by King David, here was Mephibosheth’s response: He fell on his face and did reverence. He answered, Behold thy servant! And he bowed himself, and said, What is thy servant, that thou shouldest look upon such a dead dog as I am?

Based on this alone, we can make some assumptions about his character: He felt unworthy to fellowship with the King. He was humble. He showed respect and reverence.

Later on in the book of Samuel we see more of his character revealed after being tricked and deceived by his servant, Ziba. This story shows the true heart of Mephibosheth. He was loyal. He was honest. He was generous. He was faithful. He loved David and was grateful for all he had done for him.

I did not read this story without having thoughts of my daughter. I shared with you in a previous blog a portion of her journal entry where she had asked God for and received assurance of her salvation. Like Mephibosheth, she is a child of the King, but has become crippled (in her walk with Him). She feels unworthy to sit and eat from His table so she hides out in her very own Lo-debar where she feels comfortable, accepted, and safe. She will always be a member of the royal family and no matter where she goes and what she does she will never be able to hide from it.

My prayer is this: That just as Mephibosheth did when David sought him, found him, and brought him back to where he belonged, that she, too, will respond when God seeks her to bring her home and she will be eager to go. She will be loyal, honest, and humble. Again just like Mephibosheth, there will be years lost, but most importantly she will finally be back home where she belongs, enjoying the “riches” she deserves and the fellowship with those she loves and from those who love her back.

There is no question as to whether or not God will ever prompt her to leave Lo-debar. I believe He already has.

The questions that forever remain on my mind is: WHEN WILL SHE? WILL SHE?

Tuesday, September 1, 2009


Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life. Proverbs 4:23

I read this passage of scripture and then looked it up in my commentary. Here is what it had to say: The heart is first. It speaks of the inner life, the mind, the thoughts, the motives, the desires. The mind is the fountain from which the actions spring. If the fountain is pure, the stream that flows from it will be pure." ("Believer's Bible Commentary" by William MacDonald)

In other words, everything we do, say, think, and desire comes from the heart. It is what is in our hearts that define who we are. That is why it so important for us to carefully and constantly keep it pure.

I know we live in a world where there are many dangerous and damaging influences that are virtually impossible to shield our children from. We try. I tried. There were mistakes made. There were major bumps in the road. But when I look back at the big picture, I feel secure in knowing that I made it a priority to guide my daughter in a direction where she could pick up those pure thoughts, desires, actions, etc. and place them in her heart.

I believe she did, so that is why I have to ask these questions:

First to myself: Could I have possibly done more? Did I do everything humanly possible to prevent my daughter from choosing this path she is walking?

And then to her: Why did you not keep your heart with all diligence?