This blog was created because of my daughter and her life choices. It has been devoted to my journey along the way. In the beginning there was rebellion; there was separation; there was hurt; there was anger,disbelief, and confusion.
She made a bad choice and her heart belonged to God. Her mind and heart clashed. Because of this clash or rebellion she became a mean spirited person, especially towards those of us who would verbally disapprove. She also hid from us - just as Adam and Eve did, ashamed of their actions, knowing they were wrong and not wanting to face their Father. In the beginning the hurt and pain were so intense that separation was ok with me. Because of my anger and disbelief an "out of sight out of mind" attitude was my way of coping. I was confused to the point that I could not figure out how I could ever manage a relationship with her outside of accepting her choices. There was a HUGE hole in my heart, one that only God could fill. And He did!
He directed me back to her. I never stopped loving her. I stopped letting her know I loved her. He showed me how to build a bridge. The bridge she would walk across, the one that would carry her to the other side of her bad choices. A bridge like the one He builds for me, the bridge of unconditional love. He began to show me that I did not have to accept her choices and I did not have to understand them but I HAD to love her through to the other side of them with the confidence and knowledge that with His help I could do it. She would reach the other side a better person, I would be a better person, and God would get the glory for it all.
She has not yet made it to the other side, although I like to think she is close. She is presently suffering from the consequences of her choices, trapped in conditions she cannot figure out how to free herself from. And I have learned along the way that I cannot carry her across. I can; however, be the solid foundation that will get her there. I will love her,encourage her, and pray for her until I know she has made it safely to the other side. My heart's greatest desire is that some day she will use her life experiences to rescue others from making the same mistakes or giving those who already have the hope that they too can cross to the other side.
I said all of this... to share this: The birthday card, or booklet, she gave me for my birthday last week.
It speaks volumes in regards to what God has done in our lives and just how far she has come on what I want to believe is the last leg of this journey. For me it was not only a birthday card from my daughter, it was also God wrapping his arms around me and kissing me on the cheek!
FRONT COVER:
Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday!
My Hero My Friend My Mom
LOVE is what happens while you're living day by day.
Time goes by too fast.
INSIDE:
Little Girl Days
"Mommy & Me" days -
they all blend together
into one long, happy time
when I felt protected
& learned the world was a safe place
where love held me up
& never let me down.
Everything I am today
is because of that
unconditinal love.
It was there at the beginning
& made me able
to grow into who I am now.
Becoming Friends
If there's one thing
a girl needs
during those tough years
of growing up,
it's someone who
boosts her confidence
when it feels
like the rest
of the world
is conspiring against her.
Someone patient enough
to keep on loving
& guiding through
good days & bad.
In other words,
a great mom.
Some True Things
Picture this:
Years from now,
us sitting on a porch somewhere,
laughing, telling old stories,
having gotten through
to the other side of life
where there's time enough
for sifting & sorting
& examining each memory
like the treasure it is.
Here's something today
for you to pack away
in your memory kit -
I want you to have it now:
I love you so much.
I always have. I always will.
Signed: "Happy 50th!! I love you!! K
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