Three scoops of ENCOURAGEMENT
Smothered in THANKFULNESS
Sprinkled with SADNESS
With a TEAR on top
I had a birthday! You could not have known because it was in April and I did not create this blog until June, but I wanted to share this with you. K came to see me on this day.
I saw them, again - the tears. For days I clung to the memory of the anguish on her face, the tears streaming down her cheeks, her lips quivering, but mainly the confessions from her heart.
“I am miserable. I hate everything about my life. I am trapped and do not know how to get out.”
ENCOURAGED - Conviction is good. Contentment in her case is not!
THANKFUL - She desires to get out of the pit of addiction she is in.
SAD - She does not know how!
TEARS - My heart aches for her.
She brought me a beautiful card. It read: Kind and Reassuring, Steady, and Enduring, Deep and Wise and Knowing, Warm and Easygoing, Generous and Sharing, A Mother’s Way of Caring, Wishing a Wonderful Mother A Wonderful Birthday!
She also brought me a scented candle, BUT
I DO NOT THINK SHE INTENDED ON GIVING ME SO MUCH MORE!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Friday, September 4, 2009
A FACE-LIFT
I’M GETTING ONE!
YEAH, ME!
CAN’T WAIT!
CAN YOU TELL I AM EXCITED?
WELL, I AM!
Actually, I'M not REALLY getting a face-lift, although I could probably use one, but my blog is. YEAH BLOG! I think you need one worse than I do.
It is expected to be completed very shortly. I can’t wait to see the final results and then show it off to you. I am confident that it is going to be beautiful and worth the wait! Good things are just around the corner, so stay tuned.
YEAH, ME!
CAN’T WAIT!
CAN YOU TELL I AM EXCITED?
WELL, I AM!
Actually, I'M not REALLY getting a face-lift, although I could probably use one, but my blog is. YEAH BLOG! I think you need one worse than I do.
It is expected to be completed very shortly. I can’t wait to see the final results and then show it off to you. I am confident that it is going to be beautiful and worth the wait! Good things are just around the corner, so stay tuned.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
LO-DEBAR
2 Samuel 4:4 And Jonathan, Saul’s son, had a son that was lame of his feet…And his name was Mephibosheth.
The rest of the story:
Mephibosheth was five years old when his father, Jonathan; his uncles; and his grandfather, Saul, died on the battlefield. His nurse took him and fled, fearing for his life because he was the only male heir left to the throne after Saul‘s last surviving son, Ishbosheth, had been killed in his own home while sleeping. In the chaos and panic of the departure, Mephibosheth fell, causing him to be crippled for the rest of his life.
Years later, King David remembered his covenant with Jonathan to show him kindness and wanted the opportunity to fulfill it, so he began to inquire about any relatives that may still be living. He learned of Mephibosheth who was living in Lo-debar. David had him brought to Jerusalem and ordered that the family property be returned to him, as well as, arranged for him to eat at his royal table.
What happened between all those years, the years between being five and the time King David sought him out? What kind of person had Mephibosheth become?
We do not know too much other than the fact that he had at least one son, Micha. His injury at five years old had left him permanently crippled. The Bible says, “feet”, so obviously he was crippled in both feet, although we do not know the severity of it. It is mentioned over and over again, so it was significant. We are told that he fell on his face before David, but he could have been sitting when he fell on his face, so we do not know for certain if he was able to walk on his own or not. We know that he was living in the house of Machir. Machir means “sold”, so it is possible that earlier on he had been sold into slavery. He was taken from his home, forced to live all those years in a strange land. It was not his home. These were not his people. It does appear; however, that he knew he was from a royal family because he never questioned David‘s proposal. So, what kept him from returning home on his own free will after he grew up to rightfully claim what was his? Was it his inability to walk or travel? Maybe he knew there was no one to go home to. Was he comfortable in Lo-debar? Did he feel safe and secure there?
When confronted by King David, here was Mephibosheth’s response: He fell on his face and did reverence. He answered, Behold thy servant! And he bowed himself, and said, What is thy servant, that thou shouldest look upon such a dead dog as I am?
Based on this alone, we can make some assumptions about his character: He felt unworthy to fellowship with the King. He was humble. He showed respect and reverence.
Later on in the book of Samuel we see more of his character revealed after being tricked and deceived by his servant, Ziba. This story shows the true heart of Mephibosheth. He was loyal. He was honest. He was generous. He was faithful. He loved David and was grateful for all he had done for him.
I did not read this story without having thoughts of my daughter. I shared with you in a previous blog a portion of her journal entry where she had asked God for and received assurance of her salvation. Like Mephibosheth, she is a child of the King, but has become crippled (in her walk with Him). She feels unworthy to sit and eat from His table so she hides out in her very own Lo-debar where she feels comfortable, accepted, and safe. She will always be a member of the royal family and no matter where she goes and what she does she will never be able to hide from it.
My prayer is this: That just as Mephibosheth did when David sought him, found him, and brought him back to where he belonged, that she, too, will respond when God seeks her to bring her home and she will be eager to go. She will be loyal, honest, and humble. Again just like Mephibosheth, there will be years lost, but most importantly she will finally be back home where she belongs, enjoying the “riches” she deserves and the fellowship with those she loves and from those who love her back.
There is no question as to whether or not God will ever prompt her to leave Lo-debar. I believe He already has.
The questions that forever remain on my mind is: WHEN WILL SHE? WILL SHE?
The rest of the story:
Mephibosheth was five years old when his father, Jonathan; his uncles; and his grandfather, Saul, died on the battlefield. His nurse took him and fled, fearing for his life because he was the only male heir left to the throne after Saul‘s last surviving son, Ishbosheth, had been killed in his own home while sleeping. In the chaos and panic of the departure, Mephibosheth fell, causing him to be crippled for the rest of his life.
Years later, King David remembered his covenant with Jonathan to show him kindness and wanted the opportunity to fulfill it, so he began to inquire about any relatives that may still be living. He learned of Mephibosheth who was living in Lo-debar. David had him brought to Jerusalem and ordered that the family property be returned to him, as well as, arranged for him to eat at his royal table.
What happened between all those years, the years between being five and the time King David sought him out? What kind of person had Mephibosheth become?
We do not know too much other than the fact that he had at least one son, Micha. His injury at five years old had left him permanently crippled. The Bible says, “feet”, so obviously he was crippled in both feet, although we do not know the severity of it. It is mentioned over and over again, so it was significant. We are told that he fell on his face before David, but he could have been sitting when he fell on his face, so we do not know for certain if he was able to walk on his own or not. We know that he was living in the house of Machir. Machir means “sold”, so it is possible that earlier on he had been sold into slavery. He was taken from his home, forced to live all those years in a strange land. It was not his home. These were not his people. It does appear; however, that he knew he was from a royal family because he never questioned David‘s proposal. So, what kept him from returning home on his own free will after he grew up to rightfully claim what was his? Was it his inability to walk or travel? Maybe he knew there was no one to go home to. Was he comfortable in Lo-debar? Did he feel safe and secure there?
When confronted by King David, here was Mephibosheth’s response: He fell on his face and did reverence. He answered, Behold thy servant! And he bowed himself, and said, What is thy servant, that thou shouldest look upon such a dead dog as I am?
Based on this alone, we can make some assumptions about his character: He felt unworthy to fellowship with the King. He was humble. He showed respect and reverence.
Later on in the book of Samuel we see more of his character revealed after being tricked and deceived by his servant, Ziba. This story shows the true heart of Mephibosheth. He was loyal. He was honest. He was generous. He was faithful. He loved David and was grateful for all he had done for him.
I did not read this story without having thoughts of my daughter. I shared with you in a previous blog a portion of her journal entry where she had asked God for and received assurance of her salvation. Like Mephibosheth, she is a child of the King, but has become crippled (in her walk with Him). She feels unworthy to sit and eat from His table so she hides out in her very own Lo-debar where she feels comfortable, accepted, and safe. She will always be a member of the royal family and no matter where she goes and what she does she will never be able to hide from it.
My prayer is this: That just as Mephibosheth did when David sought him, found him, and brought him back to where he belonged, that she, too, will respond when God seeks her to bring her home and she will be eager to go. She will be loyal, honest, and humble. Again just like Mephibosheth, there will be years lost, but most importantly she will finally be back home where she belongs, enjoying the “riches” she deserves and the fellowship with those she loves and from those who love her back.
There is no question as to whether or not God will ever prompt her to leave Lo-debar. I believe He already has.
The questions that forever remain on my mind is: WHEN WILL SHE? WILL SHE?
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
TRYING TO UNDERSTAND WHY
Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life. Proverbs 4:23
I read this passage of scripture and then looked it up in my commentary. Here is what it had to say: The heart is first. It speaks of the inner life, the mind, the thoughts, the motives, the desires. The mind is the fountain from which the actions spring. If the fountain is pure, the stream that flows from it will be pure." ("Believer's Bible Commentary" by William MacDonald)
In other words, everything we do, say, think, and desire comes from the heart. It is what is in our hearts that define who we are. That is why it so important for us to carefully and constantly keep it pure.
I know we live in a world where there are many dangerous and damaging influences that are virtually impossible to shield our children from. We try. I tried. There were mistakes made. There were major bumps in the road. But when I look back at the big picture, I feel secure in knowing that I made it a priority to guide my daughter in a direction where she could pick up those pure thoughts, desires, actions, etc. and place them in her heart.
I believe she did, so that is why I have to ask these questions:
First to myself: Could I have possibly done more? Did I do everything humanly possible to prevent my daughter from choosing this path she is walking?
And then to her: Why did you not keep your heart with all diligence?
I read this passage of scripture and then looked it up in my commentary. Here is what it had to say: The heart is first. It speaks of the inner life, the mind, the thoughts, the motives, the desires. The mind is the fountain from which the actions spring. If the fountain is pure, the stream that flows from it will be pure." ("Believer's Bible Commentary" by William MacDonald)
In other words, everything we do, say, think, and desire comes from the heart. It is what is in our hearts that define who we are. That is why it so important for us to carefully and constantly keep it pure.
I know we live in a world where there are many dangerous and damaging influences that are virtually impossible to shield our children from. We try. I tried. There were mistakes made. There were major bumps in the road. But when I look back at the big picture, I feel secure in knowing that I made it a priority to guide my daughter in a direction where she could pick up those pure thoughts, desires, actions, etc. and place them in her heart.
I believe she did, so that is why I have to ask these questions:
First to myself: Could I have possibly done more? Did I do everything humanly possible to prevent my daughter from choosing this path she is walking?
And then to her: Why did you not keep your heart with all diligence?
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
THE DAM BROKE
Sometimes my heart fills with emotions such as grief, sorrow, joy, or gratitude; the dam breaks; and my tears are the overflow.
This morning I was….
-AT HIS FEET
-ON MY KNEES
-BEFORE HIS THRONE
-BOWED IN HIS PRESENCE
-LOVING HIM
-DESIRING HIS COMFORT
-AMAZED THAT HE LOVES ME
-THANKFUL THAT HE DOES
-HUMBLED THAT HE CARES
-THANKFUL THAT HE DOES
-LONGING TO TOUCH HIS FACE
-SORRY THAT HE SUFFERED
-UNDERSTANDING WHY HE DID
-CONCERNED FOR THOSE WHO DO NOT KNOW HIM
....as I drove to work. My heart spilled over with love,the dam broke, and the tears flowed.
This morning I was….
-AT HIS FEET
-ON MY KNEES
-BEFORE HIS THRONE
-BOWED IN HIS PRESENCE
-LOVING HIM
-DESIRING HIS COMFORT
-AMAZED THAT HE LOVES ME
-THANKFUL THAT HE DOES
-HUMBLED THAT HE CARES
-THANKFUL THAT HE DOES
-LONGING TO TOUCH HIS FACE
-SORRY THAT HE SUFFERED
-UNDERSTANDING WHY HE DID
-CONCERNED FOR THOSE WHO DO NOT KNOW HIM
....as I drove to work. My heart spilled over with love,the dam broke, and the tears flowed.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
0% COMMENTS = 100% HUMILITY
I told myself I was not going to blog about, "Julie & Julia". I have read many posts dedicated to this movie, and while I enjoyed each and every one of them, I decided that is was an exhausted topic and what more could I possibly add? BUT, for some reason I have not been able to get one part of it off my mind. So, here is a "Never-say-never":
My husband and I saw the movie two weeks ago and we both liked it very much, not to say we LOVED it! Julie had a mission and was determined to see it through. It was almost exhausting watching her as she worked at her full time job, worked on her seemingly impossible "mission" every single day, and then blogged about it every single night, she had to find time to grocery shop daily, clean up her mess nightly, not to mention she had a husband, apartment, and a cat to take care of, and she entertained frequently. Whew!
At the beginning of her blogging journey she was very much aware that no one was commenting on her posts. She even, at one point, accepted the fact that no one else in the whole world would probably ever know or care about it or what it was she was trying to accomplish. But, she kept on, knowing that if no other soul ever found out, it would be ok, because after all, this was something she was doing for herself. This was the part of the movie when I felt like a spotlight had landed directly above my head for everyone in the entire movie theater to see just how much I could relate to what she was feeling. From a human standpoint, I guess we all want proof that someone out there cares or is interested in what we are trying to accomplish.
In my prayer time this morning, I asked God to allow me to continually be mindful that He will direct the path of this blog. I asked for His protection on it, for the eyes of those who read it, and for the hearts of those who may be touched by it. I truly believe He has orchestrated every moment so far: from the passion He gave me to create it, to the idea for the title (which, by the way, I still have not shared, but promise to do so in the future), to the words that feel like they are going to burst out of my head until I can get them posted. Like Julie, I know in my heart this is something I need to do. It may be meant for me and me alone, for my daughter in the future, for no one else. I do not know, but I am certain of this one thing: God has a plan, and I want to be a part of it.
Presently, at 0% comments, I will practice 100% humility!
My husband and I saw the movie two weeks ago and we both liked it very much, not to say we LOVED it! Julie had a mission and was determined to see it through. It was almost exhausting watching her as she worked at her full time job, worked on her seemingly impossible "mission" every single day, and then blogged about it every single night, she had to find time to grocery shop daily, clean up her mess nightly, not to mention she had a husband, apartment, and a cat to take care of, and she entertained frequently. Whew!
At the beginning of her blogging journey she was very much aware that no one was commenting on her posts. She even, at one point, accepted the fact that no one else in the whole world would probably ever know or care about it or what it was she was trying to accomplish. But, she kept on, knowing that if no other soul ever found out, it would be ok, because after all, this was something she was doing for herself. This was the part of the movie when I felt like a spotlight had landed directly above my head for everyone in the entire movie theater to see just how much I could relate to what she was feeling. From a human standpoint, I guess we all want proof that someone out there cares or is interested in what we are trying to accomplish.
In my prayer time this morning, I asked God to allow me to continually be mindful that He will direct the path of this blog. I asked for His protection on it, for the eyes of those who read it, and for the hearts of those who may be touched by it. I truly believe He has orchestrated every moment so far: from the passion He gave me to create it, to the idea for the title (which, by the way, I still have not shared, but promise to do so in the future), to the words that feel like they are going to burst out of my head until I can get them posted. Like Julie, I know in my heart this is something I need to do. It may be meant for me and me alone, for my daughter in the future, for no one else. I do not know, but I am certain of this one thing: God has a plan, and I want to be a part of it.
Presently, at 0% comments, I will practice 100% humility!
Monday, August 24, 2009
DEFINING MOMENTS
GRIEF: Intense mental anguish; deep remorse; acute sorrow
ME, AT THE BEGINNING OF THIS JOURNEY : Grief stricken
An aunt died this past June. I attended her funeral and watched her children, grandchildren, sibling, etc. grieve. Without a doubt their feelings were intense, deep, and acute, with only time to help them subside. They will always remember her, they will always miss her, and they will always cling to the hope of seeing her again.
At the beginning of my journey and for a very long time afterward, I was grief stricken. It was an eruption that was more apparent and lasted longer than any other feeling or emotion I had ever experienced. I felt the intense mental anguish, the deep remorse, and the acute sorrow and could not understand why. I knew it had to match the feelings of loosing a child to death, but I had not, so why? Why was I grief stricken?
It all made sense to me when I finally learned why, and that my feelings were perfectly normal. In a way, I had lost something. I had lost an entire lifetime of longings, desires, and dreams that only a mother could have for her daughter. And now they lay before me folded like a piece of paper jammed in a copy machine, accordion-like!
In time, thankfully, my feelings of grief became less and less intense, deep, and acute, but as far as my longings, desires and dreams for her: They will always be remembered, they will always be missed, and they will always be hoped for.
PEACE: A calm and quite state
ME, AT THE PRESENT TIME: Peaceful
There are people in our lives that we chose not to share our situation with and they never saw me grieve. There are those who knew, but never saw me grieve. There are actually only a very few who ever saw and truly felt my pain. It occurred to me one day that if those who never saw me grieve learned of the situation right now, they may possibly mistake the peace in my life for acceptance.
The journey between grief stricken and peacefulness has been long and turbulent, and I no longer have an acceptance of the situation than on day one. God has given me an unexplainable calm and quite state that I did not understand in the beginning. I felt guilty for not crying, for not feeling stirred, or for feeling nothing at all. From time to time, the grief resurfaces. Thankfully it does not stay around long, but I have learned to accept it as a time to step up my prayers for my daughter. It is during these times that I feel vulnerable and closer to God as He comforts me through it.
I have also come to accept that it is during the calm and quite times that God is carrying my load and I am reminded once again that His yoke is easy and His burden light.
ME, AT THE BEGINNING OF THIS JOURNEY : Grief stricken
An aunt died this past June. I attended her funeral and watched her children, grandchildren, sibling, etc. grieve. Without a doubt their feelings were intense, deep, and acute, with only time to help them subside. They will always remember her, they will always miss her, and they will always cling to the hope of seeing her again.
At the beginning of my journey and for a very long time afterward, I was grief stricken. It was an eruption that was more apparent and lasted longer than any other feeling or emotion I had ever experienced. I felt the intense mental anguish, the deep remorse, and the acute sorrow and could not understand why. I knew it had to match the feelings of loosing a child to death, but I had not, so why? Why was I grief stricken?
It all made sense to me when I finally learned why, and that my feelings were perfectly normal. In a way, I had lost something. I had lost an entire lifetime of longings, desires, and dreams that only a mother could have for her daughter. And now they lay before me folded like a piece of paper jammed in a copy machine, accordion-like!
In time, thankfully, my feelings of grief became less and less intense, deep, and acute, but as far as my longings, desires and dreams for her: They will always be remembered, they will always be missed, and they will always be hoped for.
PEACE: A calm and quite state
ME, AT THE PRESENT TIME: Peaceful
There are people in our lives that we chose not to share our situation with and they never saw me grieve. There are those who knew, but never saw me grieve. There are actually only a very few who ever saw and truly felt my pain. It occurred to me one day that if those who never saw me grieve learned of the situation right now, they may possibly mistake the peace in my life for acceptance.
The journey between grief stricken and peacefulness has been long and turbulent, and I no longer have an acceptance of the situation than on day one. God has given me an unexplainable calm and quite state that I did not understand in the beginning. I felt guilty for not crying, for not feeling stirred, or for feeling nothing at all. From time to time, the grief resurfaces. Thankfully it does not stay around long, but I have learned to accept it as a time to step up my prayers for my daughter. It is during these times that I feel vulnerable and closer to God as He comforts me through it.
I have also come to accept that it is during the calm and quite times that God is carrying my load and I am reminded once again that His yoke is easy and His burden light.
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