In this post I want to share a segment from a journal entry that my daughter wrote in 2006. Yesterday as I was reading over her words and doubting whether or not I should publicize them because after all they are private, and also knowing she may not approve, I happened to look at the date: 8/11/2006. (exactly three years ago) I accepted this as confirmation, so here goes:
“I just started praying. Last night I poured out my heart and cried out to God. I told him to get Satan out of my head! That I did not want to deal w/Satan and his confusion. I told God about my thoughts, (of dying and standing before Christ and Him saying, “Depart from me, I never knew you”, and eternity would begin and there would be absolutely nothing I could do.) He already knew my thoughts, but I told Him anyway. I told Him that I wanted peace in my heart, that I knew I sinned everyday and that I believed He died on the cross and rose again to save me from my sins and that I wanted a real relationship with Him. I asked God for peace. I never wanted to fear or doubt my salvation again. During my prayer a calm came over me. I cannot explain it and I NEVER want to forget it. It was a miracle. It was the Holy Spirit. I know, know, know that when I die I will spend eternity with God. He knows me! He loves me!
I asked God to not let me have doubting thoughts, about my salvation, or even of His existence ever again. I have never experienced this kind of peace, and I never want it to leave. I thought I was saved before and I don’t want to try and explain it or figure it out, I just have the peace of knowing that when I die that I will go to heaven. I know God heard me last night. I got serious with Him and I did not feel like my words were bouncing off the ceiling. It was real and I cannot explain it other than a miracle from God.”
As she sat across from me on the love seat in our family room, she poured her heart out about what she had experienced. She cried tears of joy and relief. She had feelings of peace and security that had wrapped their arms around her and she was "resting". Her journal writings are a testament to this.
"Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28
I listened. I cried. I knew that as wonderful as her feelings were and as much as she would like to hold on to them forever, the truth is their luster would fade and I felt a "motherly" duty. I wanted her to bask in the moment, but to also be prepared. "K, Satan will more than likely come at you once again loaded with darts of doubts, fears, and insecurities. Do not let him get the victory. Please never forget what happened to you last night. Your peace and security will not always come in the form of feelings, but will always come in the form of remembrance. They will come from remembering what God did for you last night. Please remember."
SURELY SHE WILL REMEMBER
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