THE QUEEN'S CAFFEINE

It was not until tonight that I discovered she (my daughter) had this story posted on her facebook page.  She wrote it on April 25, 2010 (the day after my birthday).  In her words:

This is one of those gut busting, hilariously funny, make you cry stories that is funnier told in person but we have laughed so hard about it I have to share.  To appreciate you have to know my dad.


One of the presents I got my mom for her birthday was a wrought iron cart filled with all kinds of goodies...A Tyler candle, lotion, soaps, bubble bath, coffee and a coffee cup.  Not just any ordinary coffee and cup though...Hallmark has a collection of pink and black matching coffee cups and coffee that have cute sayings on them.  The set I got said "The queen's caffeine".  It was so cute, made her gift basket complete.  I loved it.


7:30: I got to my moms and we were getting ready to head to New Orleans.  I was loading my stuff into her car.  I picked up the gift basket (which was half wrapped in a trash bag) and was making my way to load it up when I heard something drop and shatter on the concrete.  The queen's caffeine cup.  I was not happy but nothing I could do, was already with my mom and tomorrow was her birthday...


8:00: SO...I send my dad a text." I need you to drop what you are doing and go to hallmark and get mom a coffee cup.  It is pink and black and has "the queen's caffeine" on it."
My dad (already in New Orleans, texts back): "Where do they have them?"
Me: "ANY Hallmark store!!!"

My dad enters panic mode.  Frantically trying to finish what he was doing and get dressed to get to a Hallmark store before they close at nine.  Now this is the part of the story I need you to really picture my dad in your head.  He is in a panic mode.  The mall closes in 30 minutes and I have sent him out to search for a needle in a haystack.  He rushes in Hallmark:


Dad to worker: "Do ya'll have a coffee cup with THE QUEEN'S CAFFEINE on it?"
Worker (with astonished look on her face): "No"
Dad: "I thought all Hallmark Stores carry them."
Worker (wondering why he wants one so badly): "She explains that all the stores carry the brand but not necessarily the same gift packs.  They all come in different styles, colors, quotes, etc."


So my dad leaves the store and thinks he is off the hook.  Sends me a message that they did not have one. He goes to P.J. Coffee Shop and orders himself a venti coffee and is ready to go home.  Well, my OCD is not going to allow me to give my mom a wrought iron gift basket with coffee in it and no mug to match.  Desperation kicks in and I send my dad another text telling him to get any kind of cup.  A pretty pink one with flowers or something will do.  At the time (8:45) he is walking out of the door of the mall to go home.  He does a 180 in search of another cup.  When he gets BACK to Hallmark he notices a note on the door, "No food or drinks allowed." This is the point when his panic stricken state really kicks in.  Not wanting to waste the ginormous cup of coffee he just purchased and with only ten minutes to spare he starts pacing around in front of the store drinking  guzzeling his coffee so fast it would make your head spin.  (My dad does not drink coffee on a regular basis, only occasionally, so his head probably WAS spinning).  By this time, I am sure the workers have called security to watch the crazed coffee obsessed man desperately looking for a queen's caffeine coffee cup.  He finished his cup in 2.5 seconds and with knocking knees goes inside Hallmark once again and starts looking for another cup.  I can only imagine what is going through the worker's heads.  Wondering why this man HAS to have a Queens caffeine coffee cup, goes and gets coffee, drinks it at the entrance of the store pacing back and forth, and then frantically rushes back in only to look at more coffee cups.  All of this happens in a matter of ten minutes.  "This crazy man must be fixated on coffee!!!!!!"

8:55:Dad: "Anything else you need me to find before the stores close at 9:00?  A llama hair scarf?  I can even find a specific color for you like watermelon tangerine.
Me: I need a cookie jar with her initials engraved on it.  Lemon lime color.
Dad: "OK. I am off to Timbuktu.  The Dalia Lama has one.  Be back next month."


(By the way, he bought a pretty one with flowers on it that read, I love you mom.  He did a good job.)