by Mark Harris
It’s only for a moment you are mine to hold
The plans that heaven has for you
Will all too soon unfold
So many different prayers I’ll pray
For all that you might do
But most of all I want to know
Your walking in the truth
And if I never told you
I want you to know
As I watch you grow
I pray that God would fill your heart with dreams
And that faith gives you the courage
To dare to do great things
I’m here for you whatever this life brings
So let my love give you roots
And help you find your wings
May passion be the wind
That lead you though your days
And may conviction keep you strong
Guide you on your way
May there be many moments
That make your life so sweet
Oh, but more than memories
It’s not living if you don’t reach for the sky
I’ll have tears as you take off
But I’ll cheer as you fly
This past May the graduation ceremony at our church included this song.
It seems like just yesterday that I celebrated my daughter’s graduation. Today, a little over three years later, as I reflect back, I need to ask her these questions:
Precious girl, why aren’t you walking in the truth?
What happened to your dreams?
Or your courage to do great things?
What happened to your passion and conviction?
Your strength?
The moments that were to make your life so sweet?
What happened?
What kind of memories are you making?
Please look up! Look up from your pit dwelling. REACH FOR THE SKY. It is with tears that I promise to cheer as you fly!
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Friday, July 10, 2009
“JUST WHEN THE CATERPILLAR THOUGHT THE WORLD WAS OVER… IT BECAME A BUTTERFLY”
I try very hard not to read too much into everything she puts on the message board of her phone, face book, or myspace page, but this week I could not help but to wonder what she could have possibly meant by a statement like, “Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly”.
Here is what a mother who just got home from spending the weekend with a daughter who has chosen to live her life in a way that will never honor and glorify God wants it to mean. Her lifestyle goes against everything she was taught and against everything she should do and could be. With every fiber of this mother’s being this is what I want it to mean:
Mom, I was the caterpillar - thinking this is it, this is all there is, nothing else. The bottom is as low as I can go. But over the weekend you showed me unconditional love, you did not condemn, you did not lecture, you did not beg, plead, or cry, or want to know why - you just loved me, not for who or what I have become, but for who I am: YOUR DAUGHTER. You made me feel worthy. I know I can break free and soar. Mom, everything is going to be OK. I am going to be OK!
Maybe it did mean all of this or maybe it was just simply in reference to a butterfly and a caterpillar and nothing more, but I think for the time being I will choose to believe that she wanted to convey this message to me.
Yes, this is what I choose to believe!
Here is what a mother who just got home from spending the weekend with a daughter who has chosen to live her life in a way that will never honor and glorify God wants it to mean. Her lifestyle goes against everything she was taught and against everything she should do and could be. With every fiber of this mother’s being this is what I want it to mean:
Mom, I was the caterpillar - thinking this is it, this is all there is, nothing else. The bottom is as low as I can go. But over the weekend you showed me unconditional love, you did not condemn, you did not lecture, you did not beg, plead, or cry, or want to know why - you just loved me, not for who or what I have become, but for who I am: YOUR DAUGHTER. You made me feel worthy. I know I can break free and soar. Mom, everything is going to be OK. I am going to be OK!
Maybe it did mean all of this or maybe it was just simply in reference to a butterfly and a caterpillar and nothing more, but I think for the time being I will choose to believe that she wanted to convey this message to me.
Yes, this is what I choose to believe!
Thursday, July 9, 2009
CONSTANT
(Constant - always present, ready, repeatedly, not changing, faithful, loyal)
I am so very thankful that God saw fit for me to grasp the importance of being constant.
For a long time, I could not face my daughter, her decisions, HER LIFE. I fled from all of it. God touch me with his mercy and grace and gave me some insight as to where I needed to be in my relationship with her by bringing this to my mind:
What would give one hope stranded in the middle of an ocean?
To see land.
What would give one hope stranded in the desert?
To see water.
What would give one hope stranded on a deserted island?
To see people.
It has taken much time and much prayer for me to get to where I am today in my relationship with her. I truly have had to work through all of this and there have been many dark and ugly days, but I hate to think about what I would have missed in this journey had it not been for God’s mercy and His grace in my life.
If not me, then who? Who would be her constant?
She is not standing on solid ground.
She is in a barren place and needs water (living water) to survive.
She is alone in a world where she does not belong, surrounded by enemies of God and friends of this world.
God, allow me to be the steady for her until she is standing on solid ground. Allow me to take nourishment to her until she can get it on her own, and please allow her to accept it and not reject it. Her life could depend on my faithfulness and frequency. God, she needs me, I need her, and we both need you.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
DOWNLOADS AND UPGRADES
On the first Sunday in May, my family, the four of us, went to church together for the first time in a long time. The pastor’s sermon was titled, “Upgrade your Friends.” After a few minutes into his message, he called someone up to the platform to give a personal testimony.
As the guest speaker’s story spilled out, he was able to offer a message of warning and a message of hope. He was on his way to a promising career as a professional football player, but he allowed the wrong friends to lead him into a life of drugs and alcohol and later into a life behind bars - a prison sentence for man slaughter. He warned of the dangers of having the wrong friends and conforming to be just like them. He compromised everything he had and everything he dreamed of to do just this. He shared with us that he grew up in church and had attended Sunday school from the time he was a little boy. He knew Christ; at least, he knew of Him.
My daughter could have joined him there on the platform.
She did not, but she COULD have. She could have told her story. Her entire future lay before her; the world at her feet, a blank canvas. She could have shared how the consequences of having the wrong friends caused her to leave a field of clover into a dry and barren desert. She could have captivated the congregation and moved them with her personal experience and heartache that would have pierced their hearts. She could have offered them a message of warning. She also attended Sunday school all of her life. She knows Christ.
The speaker shared with us that it was not until he finally turned everything over to God and allowed Him to fill his life, the one that once filled with self, the wrong friends, drugs, and alcohol that he could begin to offer hope to others.
My daughter could NOT have joined him there on the platform.
Maybe ONE DAY, but not this day.
“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6
As the guest speaker’s story spilled out, he was able to offer a message of warning and a message of hope. He was on his way to a promising career as a professional football player, but he allowed the wrong friends to lead him into a life of drugs and alcohol and later into a life behind bars - a prison sentence for man slaughter. He warned of the dangers of having the wrong friends and conforming to be just like them. He compromised everything he had and everything he dreamed of to do just this. He shared with us that he grew up in church and had attended Sunday school from the time he was a little boy. He knew Christ; at least, he knew of Him.
My daughter could have joined him there on the platform.
She did not, but she COULD have. She could have told her story. Her entire future lay before her; the world at her feet, a blank canvas. She could have shared how the consequences of having the wrong friends caused her to leave a field of clover into a dry and barren desert. She could have captivated the congregation and moved them with her personal experience and heartache that would have pierced their hearts. She could have offered them a message of warning. She also attended Sunday school all of her life. She knows Christ.
The speaker shared with us that it was not until he finally turned everything over to God and allowed Him to fill his life, the one that once filled with self, the wrong friends, drugs, and alcohol that he could begin to offer hope to others.
My daughter could NOT have joined him there on the platform.
Maybe ONE DAY, but not this day.
“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6
Monday, July 6, 2009
SOME THINGS IN LIFE ARE, WELL, JUST PAINFUL
I kept my 8 year old niece a few days ago. And among the one million and one things she talked about during the course of the day, from the backseat of my car and on the way to town, she got on the subject of tattoos. I will not try to remember how or why the subject came up, but it did. She shared with me some people she knew who had tattoos, the subject matter, and where they were located. Do tell!
I wanted to use this opportunity to say something to her, something profound, something that would be forever etched in her mind, something that she would never forget and would possibly change her life entirely. So I dug deep into my closet of wisdom and came up with this:
“ You know that tattoos hurt, don‘t you.”
She asked me if they numbed or deadened your skin while getting one. I told her, “No”. I went on to give her a vivid picture of every stick of the needle, the pain that would make her eyes water, and the insertion of dye that would forever change the color of her skin. I told her that as pretty and colorful as they were in the beginning, over the years they fade and become ugly. (I had absolutely no idea what I was talking about, but was trying to recall something I had seen on television once). Nothing like a little scare tactic to make an impact. I was on a roll so I went on to tell her that if she ever decided to get one, to be prepared to do a lot of crying and screaming.
It worked! She told me that the only tattoo she would ever get would be the kind that sticks on and washes off.
I blew the smoke from my pistol, placed it back in the holster, and walked (or in my case, drove) away. We left this topic in the dust. She moved on to another one and we both moved on with our day. While sporting our new homemade bracelets, we went to hangout with the famous mouse at the famous pizza joint. ( I wonder if he has a tattoo?)
Maybe while in the process of “directing her path”, she directed mine.
“Avoid permanent reminders of pain and sorrow. When they come to stick, wash them away, hence, avoiding irreversible scarring.”
I wanted to use this opportunity to say something to her, something profound, something that would be forever etched in her mind, something that she would never forget and would possibly change her life entirely. So I dug deep into my closet of wisdom and came up with this:
“ You know that tattoos hurt, don‘t you.”
She asked me if they numbed or deadened your skin while getting one. I told her, “No”. I went on to give her a vivid picture of every stick of the needle, the pain that would make her eyes water, and the insertion of dye that would forever change the color of her skin. I told her that as pretty and colorful as they were in the beginning, over the years they fade and become ugly. (I had absolutely no idea what I was talking about, but was trying to recall something I had seen on television once). Nothing like a little scare tactic to make an impact. I was on a roll so I went on to tell her that if she ever decided to get one, to be prepared to do a lot of crying and screaming.
It worked! She told me that the only tattoo she would ever get would be the kind that sticks on and washes off.
I blew the smoke from my pistol, placed it back in the holster, and walked (or in my case, drove) away. We left this topic in the dust. She moved on to another one and we both moved on with our day. While sporting our new homemade bracelets, we went to hangout with the famous mouse at the famous pizza joint. ( I wonder if he has a tattoo?)
Maybe while in the process of “directing her path”, she directed mine.
“Avoid permanent reminders of pain and sorrow. When they come to stick, wash them away, hence, avoiding irreversible scarring.”
Thursday, July 2, 2009
NOW I LAY ME DOWN TO SLEEP, I PRAY THE LORD...
My daughter to keep. Deliver her from evil. Rescue her from a destructive lifestyle. Restore her to her senses, and bring her home from the land of the enemy. Guide her into truth. Teach her to recognize deceptive ideas and thoughts. Maker her alert to the lies of the enemy, and teach her how to resist the devil by faith. Thank you for drawing my daughter with love and tenderness to yourself, even in her desert place. Show her that you are with her. You delight in her. Amid the clamor for her attention and affection, may she hear YOUR voice calling her and respond to your deep, deep love.
I wish I could take the credit for these prayers, but I cannot (At least not for writing them anyway). They were taken from a prayer card, “Praying for Prodigals”, by B.J. Reinhard. This card stays in my journal as a reminder for me to pray one or more of these twenty-one prayers for my daughter daily.
She asked me not so long ago to NEVER stop praying for her. WOW! I still do not think I have grasped what kind of awesome responsibility this is.
And to be perfectly honest, then I would have to admit that sometimes I fail miserably at my commitment. Before you judge me or think me terrible for not praying for my own child, let me assure you that Satan loves to deceive, dishearten, and depress. Most of us are only one crisis away from falling into his “lie- filled” trap. And in my weariness, I have been known to buy into the deception that my daughter is never going to “come home” and my prayers are not making a difference.
And then God restores my senses and guides me into truth. He allows me to recognize these deceptive ideas and thoughts and makes me alert to the lies. He draws me to him with his deep, deep love and tenderness. It is through the truth, a cheerful heart, and the hope that surpasses all understanding that He shows me that He is with me -- MY SOUL TO KEEP.
I wish I could take the credit for these prayers, but I cannot (At least not for writing them anyway). They were taken from a prayer card, “Praying for Prodigals”, by B.J. Reinhard. This card stays in my journal as a reminder for me to pray one or more of these twenty-one prayers for my daughter daily.
She asked me not so long ago to NEVER stop praying for her. WOW! I still do not think I have grasped what kind of awesome responsibility this is.
And to be perfectly honest, then I would have to admit that sometimes I fail miserably at my commitment. Before you judge me or think me terrible for not praying for my own child, let me assure you that Satan loves to deceive, dishearten, and depress. Most of us are only one crisis away from falling into his “lie- filled” trap. And in my weariness, I have been known to buy into the deception that my daughter is never going to “come home” and my prayers are not making a difference.
And then God restores my senses and guides me into truth. He allows me to recognize these deceptive ideas and thoughts and makes me alert to the lies. He draws me to him with his deep, deep love and tenderness. It is through the truth, a cheerful heart, and the hope that surpasses all understanding that He shows me that He is with me -- MY SOUL TO KEEP.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
UNCERTAINTIES ARE CERTAIN
The blogs I read on a regular basis and some that I have read on occasion have made me laugh and cry and rethink my priorities, some have made me want to cook and eat bacon, to be better and to do better, while others have made me want to go find something in my house and turn it into something else. Most of them are written with the depth and ease that make me feel inadequate in the area of being able to transfer onto a document anything that is on my heart and in my head in such a way that would hold the interest of even one reader. I’m a little scared to be here. No I am a lot scared.
My family supports me and tells me that I can do this. This make me even more nervous because I immediately think about some of the American Idol contestants. You know the ones who stand before Simon Cowell like a deer in the headlights right after he tells them how treacherous it was. You agree with Simon and wonder what ever in a million years made these people think they could sing. And then they explain. Their family and friends have told them all their lives that with a voice like theirs they were all but destined for stardom. So, family of mine: Thanks for your vote of confidence, but I’ll not fall prey to your prejudice perspective.
What if no one cares what I have to say or I run out of things to say.
What if it takes up too much of my time and consumes my thoughts.
What if I can’t handle criticism.
What if I forget that God will direct those who are suppose to follow my journey here and popularity or lack of it becomes an issue with me and I forget to be myself.
What if my sense of humor sounds cheesy. Oh, God, please don’t let it be cheesy.
Now that I have nearly talked myself into backing out of this whole thing, let me move on to what I AM certain of.
- Gratitude for still having a sense of humor.
- A desire to reach out to others who may also be on a similar journey. I am walking a walk all the while living, learning, and loving as I go.
- I want to be the recipient of blessings as others share their wisdom and their journeys with me.
- For the past few years, the prayer chain for my daughter has grown and I cannot think of a better way to expand it even further.
- I am certain that even though I walk through the valley, God’s perfect love is casting out my fears. Even though I am caught in the middle of this great big storm in my life, I know that through the calm and through the storm, in every high and in every low God will never let go of me. I am confident. See it. See the light that is coming from my heart as I hold on, a glorious light beyond all compare. I know there will be an end to these troubles, but until that day comes I want to know and praise God and
- Most importantly, I want to show Him to others.
(Matt Redman’s “You Never Let Go”)
My family supports me and tells me that I can do this. This make me even more nervous because I immediately think about some of the American Idol contestants. You know the ones who stand before Simon Cowell like a deer in the headlights right after he tells them how treacherous it was. You agree with Simon and wonder what ever in a million years made these people think they could sing. And then they explain. Their family and friends have told them all their lives that with a voice like theirs they were all but destined for stardom. So, family of mine: Thanks for your vote of confidence, but I’ll not fall prey to your prejudice perspective.
What if no one cares what I have to say or I run out of things to say.
What if it takes up too much of my time and consumes my thoughts.
What if I can’t handle criticism.
What if I forget that God will direct those who are suppose to follow my journey here and popularity or lack of it becomes an issue with me and I forget to be myself.
What if my sense of humor sounds cheesy. Oh, God, please don’t let it be cheesy.
Now that I have nearly talked myself into backing out of this whole thing, let me move on to what I AM certain of.
- Gratitude for still having a sense of humor.
- A desire to reach out to others who may also be on a similar journey. I am walking a walk all the while living, learning, and loving as I go.
- I want to be the recipient of blessings as others share their wisdom and their journeys with me.
- For the past few years, the prayer chain for my daughter has grown and I cannot think of a better way to expand it even further.
- I am certain that even though I walk through the valley, God’s perfect love is casting out my fears. Even though I am caught in the middle of this great big storm in my life, I know that through the calm and through the storm, in every high and in every low God will never let go of me. I am confident. See it. See the light that is coming from my heart as I hold on, a glorious light beyond all compare. I know there will be an end to these troubles, but until that day comes I want to know and praise God and
- Most importantly, I want to show Him to others.
(Matt Redman’s “You Never Let Go”)
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